Posted by John Reuther on March 16, 2010
I was asked this question recently by a very godly person in our church. The question was asked sincerely and respectfully. I took it seriously and sought to give the best Scriptural answer I could. Here is the essence 
of my response, made suitable for this presentation. This article is not intended to be exhaustive but suggestive. Naturally, there is much more that could be said.
Public Ministry Speaks Volumes
In a church where the elders are bound to the word of God, where pastors faithfully expound the Scripture and prove all things from the Bible, you will have a good foundation upon which to build your relationship to your elders. This will give members the trust and confidence they need and can have in their leaders. It will give believers a sense that their church is a true sheepfold where the voice of Christ our Prophet, Priest, and King is being heard. You will have the assurance that neither church politics nor powerful personalities are subtly directing the church. What you see and hear the elders doing in the pulpit week by week, message by message, in expounding the Scripture, is what really reveals who they are and how they function in their office. This, of course, is another reason why attendance upon the public ministries of the word is so crucial. We not only have dealings with our glorious God who comes to us in the preaching of His word, we also come to know the heart and devotion of our pastors to God and His word.
Be Prepared
Read and study your Bible with a view to learning how to have a good relationship with your elders. We do not want to repeat the sins of saints of old in this regard. There are plenty of “how-not-to-relate-to-your-pastors” situations in the NT. It must be stated that true pastors worthy of their office and work will be doing the same in being warned against abuses. Faithful pastors should be looking to themselves to be the kind of servant-leaders Christ calls them to be. Members want to see signs and evidences in the lives and teachings of their elders which show that they are humble men who want to do the will of God and be what God wants them to be. This way, they will not need to be afraid or suspicious nor have an uncomfortable, questioning posture toward their elders. This will help them to be prepared when their pastors do issue a call for repentance, denounce sin, or make a tough judgment call in a complex life situation. So meditate on the main passages that deal with pastor-people relationships (1 Thess. 5:12-15; 1 Peter 5:1-10) just as pastors should meditate on all the passages related to their calling as pastors. Understanding these passages (Acts 20:28, 1 Cor. 12:28, Titus 1:5, Heb. 13:7, 13:17, etc.), is much more helpful than trying to come up with wooden rules about when or whether to challenge elders. Concentrate on the relationship, understand their calling, understand your calling as a church member, and be much in prayer that the design of Christ will be fulfilled by all. This big perspective often settles some of the little questions that we have about procedure.
Communication Circumvents Challenge
Strive for open communication with your pastors in the interest of developing a healthy personal and working relationship with them. Communication is the second most important thing in maintaining a good relationship with elders and honoring their office and calling. Scripture calls on us to honor the truth by proving all things (1 Thess. 5:21), but also calls on us to honor our pastors (1 Thess. 5:12f). Often challenges come because communication does not. This is of course the safety factor that we must always keep in place. Be observant, look for hints, ask reasonable questions, show concern and yet respect, all within the boundaries of godly communication.
Exercise Expectations
So often we expect too much and are troubled when our own expectations are not met. I am saying that we should exercise our expectations, i.e., discipline them; make them lean, strong, and useful, not fat and unreasonable. We should not expect that we can understand every decision that is made by our spiritual leaders. There is a place for trusting God in matters that are not within a Christian’s personal realm of responsibility and stewardship. In other words, in some cases, the solving of problems is the responsibility of leaders and Christians may not be able to enter into the specifics of a given situation. It may be sin for them to make judgments about matters not within their realm of responsibility or knowledge (Prov. 26:17).
Remember the True Source of Trouble
Recognize that the Devil is always at work trying to drive a wedge between the people of God and their leaders. His malicious and malevolent design is always to bring strife, disunity, disaffection and discouragement and he will not hesitate to use pastors or people to do this. But there is a very important principle in this regard: “Strike the shepherd and the sheep will be scattered” (Zech. 13:7). This means that Satan will bring challenge, accusation, and doubt even within the church to strike the shepherd. Truly he is like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Pet. 5:8), so let us all be sober.
Rest Assured in Providence
Always remember to pray for your pastors and entrust their lives and ministries to God, just as they pray for you and the people of God. Prayer for leaders cultivates rest and assurance regarding church matters among believers, knowing that God WILL take care of problems (perceived or real). When real problems exist, our Confession of Faith offers some helpful direction: “No church members, upon any offence taken by them, having performed their duty required of them towards the person they are offended at, ought to disturb any church-order, or absent themselves from the assemblies of the church, or administration of any ordinance, upon the account of such offence at any of their fellow members, but to wait upon Christ, in the further proceedings of the church (Mt. 18:15-17, Eph. 4:2-3, the Scripture references given in LBC, Chapter 26, par. 13.). This is certainly good advice with regard to one’s relationship with elders.
A Helpful Analogy
A related question is: May children challenge or question the decisions and actions of their parents? Parents would all agree that the spirit of the child and the challenge is the crucial factor. Is it appropriate for children to challenge their parents? When children are very little, this is usually inappropriate or uncalled-for. So new Christians should keep in mind that being babes in the faith, they may need to trust more and question less. As children grow, and become more mature and trustworthy themselves, they may see things their parents do not see, and parents would welcome the “challenge” coming from a loving and understanding child in the right spirit. This is a very important analogy because we are called the “children” of God. Paul and the apostles viewed their converts and church members as their spiritual children (Gal. 4:19 – “My children, with whom I am again in labor until Christ is formed in you,” 3 John 1:4).
The Bottom Line
Sure, a believer may respectfully challenge or question the actions and decisions of their elders. Let me quickly add two qualifiers. First, perhaps challenge is not the right word to use here. Webster says that challenge means “an accusation, reproach, objection, invitation to engage in a contest or controversy, demand of a right, call to account.” This means that confronting elders with real sin in their lives should be challenged, and on biblical grounds (1 Tim. 5:19). But what about everything else? In the daily, weekly, and yearly course of life in the church of Christ, challenge is not particularly appropriate. What word would you suggest to replace challenge? Perhaps: May Christians question their elders? May Christians disagree with their elders? May Christians dialogue with their elders? I think we are getting closer! One thing is certain, church members must have good communication with their elders, communication which respects their position in the church, the elder’s stewardship of confidentiality, and their desire to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Eph. 4:3). And pastors should respect the need for church members to have assurances and allow their questions to be asked. Elders must always have an open posture toward the people of God. And the people of God must also make Ephesians 4:3 the banner over their relationship to their pastors.
The second qualifier is that we must relate to our elders with all of the above-stated principles and practices in place. And remember to wait on the Lord before approaching your elders by prayerful recourse to these principles. Think of it this way: Do members not expect their pastors to prayerfully wait on the Lord before questioning them lest they unnecessarily offend or discourage them? Many church members are equally thoughtful in this area toward their pastors. So we must all wait on the Lord, trust Him to work, and seek wisdom as to when to speak or ask, or not to do it, in our respective roles of leading and following; shepherding and being shepherded.
Consider the interesting and instructive OT example of the Reubenites and Gadites in Numbers 32, wanting to settle on the East side of the Jordan rather than in the Promised Land. This originally angered Moses, and he saw evil in it (how can he be faulted for that!?). But the tribes “turned away wrath” with their gentle answer, were reasonable with Moses, and Moses himself proceeded reasonably with them. A beautiful resolution ensued, and continued under Joshua (see Joshua 1). Over the years I have observed over and over again that where believers live by these principles the relationship between pastor and people is as smooth and enjoyable as ever. And I have also seen the opposite.
John Reuther –Pastor, Covenant Baptist Church, Lumberton, NJ / Reformed Baptist Seminary
Posted by John Reuther on January 30, 2010
If you have been following this three-part series on the parable of the householder (see Part 1 and Part 2), you are surely thinking of how it applies to us in practical ways. If we have any responsibilities in our housholds or in the church it needs to be asked: What does your household, or your ministry, look like? Which side of the house illustration that you see here best describes how you are fulfilling Matt. 13:52? Is it filled with trash, trivia, or treasure?
Some men or women bring their trash into their household. By trash I mean ungodliness, sinful ways, foolishness, or, worst case, treacherous dealings with members of the household or church. You can try to hide trash, but it always stinks. It wafts its way through closed doors and tight spaces; it is eventually discovered by wives, family members, or the people of God. Sins and addictions that beset professing Christians keep many men from being the kind of head that each household needs. David said: “I will give heed to the blameless way…I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart. I will set no worthless thing before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away, it will not fasten its grip on me” (Psalm 101:2-3). “How blessed is the man who has made the Lord his trust, and has not turned to the proud, not to those who lapse into falsehood” (Psalm 40:4).
Men and women, let’s examine ourselves. Our families need us. The devil seeks to destroy godly families and good churches. The treasures of God are freely given, having been purchased at great cost by the gem of all history, Jesus Christ the son of God. Look to your heart. What do you see there: trash or treasure? Then remember what Jesus said about this matter. “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). Can we say that our heart, our motives, and our desires are pure? “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). If we can’t see God for impurities in our hearts, how will we see God clearly enough to point our family members to Him and His treasures? If we don’t show them the treasure, who will? “Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, faith and purity, show yourself an example to those who believe” (1 Timothy 4:12).
Paul gave us the battle plan for removing the trash that we try to hide in our hearts or bring into our homes and churches. “Therefore, put to death the members of your earthly body: immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry…put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth” (Colossians 3:5, 8).
But there is another problem. Sometimes we fill our storehouse with trivia rather than treasure, things that have no real value. Some things seem neutral and not bad or evil in themselves, but they do not possess the quality of spiritual treasure. God commands us to “approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ” (Philippians 1:10). Trivia are trifles and unimportant matters that serve no godly purpose and leave no lasting blessing. Growing in Christ’s school of discipleship teaches us to “deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live soberly and righteously and godly in this present age” (Titus 2:11-12). Christian men and women need discernment and creative leadership to show their loved ones how they can lead godly, prosperous, fulfilled, happy, useful, and contented lives without selling themselves to worldly pursuits or wasting precious time in pursuing the vain things of this world.
Are our homes places of learning and growing with the proper amount of relaxation and family fun mixed in?[1] Or are they one continual fun house with games galore leaving little time for kingdom pursuits? The head of the household knows when to bring out some new things to help the family relax and rest, to unwind and enjoy, but never by sacrificing Christian truth and heritage and leaving off the pursuit of Christian discipline in following Christ. The same can be asked of the church today. Are churches really serious about growing in the serious study of the Word of God, attendance upon the means of grace, the preaching of solid exegetical sermons with searching practical application?
Is the talk in our homes and churches superficial, light, and void of Christ? Or do we speak of the glory of God, our desires for Him, our prayers, and answers to our prayers? Do we speak of Christ and testify of our satisfaction in His fullness in our lives? Fill both your heart, your home, and you church, with the treasure of Christ, Scripture, prayer and thanks: excellent things, things of true and lasting worth and goodness, the heritage of our faith, and the power of the kingdom.
The Making of a Good Head of a Household
The Gospel of Christ has designed that you and I should be like the converted scribe who is a head of a household who brings out of his treasure things new and old. We have seen how this applies to the original twelve disciples, all disciples in the kingdom, husbands, fathers, mothers, Sunday-School teachers, pastors and teachers. The question therefore is: are you converted and constituted as such a man or woman in the family, or in the church, where God has placed you?
Are you one who possesses the treasure? Are you one who longs to show the treasures to your wife and family, to you children? Are you one in whom the good things of God are evident and whose life bears credible testimony to God’s love and powerful grace? Do you have the wisdom of a converted scribe of the kingdom who offers solutions to family members and the people of God, help for difficulties and distresses, and creative ways to get out of the ruts of life that beset us?
Do you read the Bible with earnestness, and seek for knowledge that gives practical wisdom? Do you read good Christian books and budget money each year for the purchase of those excellent works that will make you a good spiritual leader? Do you limit your intake of sports and entertainment so that they afford you occasional relaxation and not mastery over your heart and time? Do you sing hymns with your family? Do you help your wife so that you will be able as a family to open your home for Christian hospitality and evangelism? Are you equipping the members of you church for ministry and service (Ephesians 4:11-13).
Do you attend church faithfully so that you can keep filling your treasure-chest with the good things of God? Are you so eager for the treasures of God that nothing except real sickness or distress will keep you from being in God’s house?
Solomon’s book of Ecclesiastes tells the sorry tale of the deterioration of his beautiful life as the world’s greatest wise man. He tells of how he allowed riches and pleasure and power and idolatry and women to corrupt his life and sink him into a life of futility. But by God’s grace he saw how wretched he was. Ecclesiastes is his confession, tells of his restoration, and gives us a much-needed warning.
At the end of the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon speaks about the work of the preacher. Of course, he is the preacher, and he has been speaking things new and old to guide others into safe paths. “In addition to being a wise man, the Preacher also taught the people knowledge; and he pondered, searched out and arranged many proverbs. The Preacher sought to find delightful words and to write words of truth correctly” (Ecclesiastes 12:9-10).
Praise God for all preachers who work this hard to display the treasures of God to others in the churches today! Oh, how we need men like this who will show this generation that worldly treasures are really trash and trivia. Pray that God will empower preachers to be like converted scribes who have become disciples of the kingdom, who bring forth things new and old, so that they may present the true riches (Luke 16:11) to their fellow men.
But if you are the head of a household, no matter how small or large it may be, YOU ARE THE PREACHER there! Solomon goes on to say: “The words of wise men are like goads, and masters of these collections are like well-driven nails; they are given by one Shepherd” (Ecclesiastes 12:11). A godly man is a wise man. A Christian man is like a converted scribe who searches the Scripture much like a business man seeks profit in pearls.
But you may say, I am not gifted in speech and I am not eloquent as a preacher must be. Would God ask you to do something impossible? Would He place you in your household, give you a wife or children, and not give you the resources to lead? No, He is equipping you to do it. But in order to be the preacher, the wise leader, and the true head, you must listen to the preacher and seek precious gems from him. Follow Christ, hear what the Spirit says, and follow pastors who lead you in the church (Hebrews 13:7).
This is how God makes you a good head of a household. He makes you a pillar in His household, the Church, and gives you treasure there so that you can be the preacher of wisdom like Solomon, and a reflection of Christ the preacher, in your family. You can be what God wants you to be and what your family needs you to be if you will feed on the word of God as you read it and as your hear it opened up in your church.
The church is the household of God and the pillar and support of the truth (1 Timothy 3:15). If you want to be a pillar in your household, you must be one in your church. Apollos is a good example of the head that Jesus is speaking of in this parable: He was “mighty in the Scriptures” (Acts 18:24).
So here is the bottom line: “Store up…treasures in heaven…there your heart will be also…do not be worried about your life…seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:20, 21, 25, 33), so that you can and will “bring out of (your) treasure things new and old” (Matthew 13:52).
John Reuther – Pastor, Covenant Baptist Church, Lumberton, NJ, Reformed Baptist Seminary, Easley, SC.
[1] I encourage the reader to read
Redeeming the Time: A Christian Approach to Work & Leisure, by Leland Ryken (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker, 1995). I hope to do a book review of this book on RBS Tabletalk in the near future.
Posted by John Reuther on January 27, 2010
In Part 1 of th
is article we thought about the conversion of the scribe and the care of a household. We move on here in Part 2 to give our attention to the functions of the head of a household.
The Head of a Household is a Leader
This is carefully stated in the parable of Matt. 13:52. Jesus was speaking to His disciples, and after setting many parables before them He asked them, “Have you understood all these things?” “And they said Him, ‘Yes’” (Matt. 13:51). The “therefore” of 13:52, which begins the parable of the householder, is the application of the parable directly to them in their leadership role in the kingdom. They have become disciples of the kingdom and they are like scribes (converted) who bring out of their treasure things new and old. The head of the household therefore is a leader.
What can we say about the leadership which a head of a household exercises? He will be a man of movement. He will not be a sitter, but the runner of the race of life; He will not be a stagnating pond, but a rolling river bringing fresh life to his household, his wife, family, church. Like the merchant of the earlier parable of Matthew 13, he will be a seeker of fine pearls, finding them in Christ, and filling his treasure with jewels for his family (Matthew 13:45-46). He will be drawing closer to the kingdom of God each day in this world himself, and seeking to lead his wife and family to the kingdom that is delighting him with its treasures. This also applies, as mentioned in the first article, to the teaching role of women in their households. It applies to the disciples in their role as leaders, teachers, and preachers in the church, and it applies to pastors today. We must be men of movement, always seeking, studying, praying, working, going, and growing.
But the movements of a household leader are in the context of the struggles and challenges of daily life. Spiritual leadership in this world involves leading a household through the darkness into the light, and making our own aware of the dangers as we lead them to safety in Christ and God’s word.
If Jesus is your greatest treasure, then your leadership in the home or in the church will be characterized by dynamic movement and patterned after the movements of Jesus whose call to discipleship is to follow Him.
But he will also be a man of motivation. The head on our physical body provides the source of power and direction to the whole body. The head is the coordinator and the communicator. In the same way, a spiritual leader motivates his household by utilizing the treasures of the kingdom that fill his own heart. He thinks God’s thoughts and feels God’s truth with a burning passion, and wants his household to share them with him. His thought life is not of the ivory-tower, arm-chair theologian type. He is not a heady thinker, but a hearty thinker whose heart and mind are joined in an inseparable union. A man may imagine that he knows the Bible from cover to cover, but if he does not bring out of his treasure things new and old he may really know very little.
Prayerfully meditate on the leadership of Jesus and ask God to make you a motivator like Him. How did He do it? He displayed the treasures of His Father and drew His hearers with the beauty and glory of God’s kingdom! He saw the glory of God; He saw the presence of the kingdom while the scribes and leaders of Israel saw only their traditions and their own expectations. He saw God’s plan being fulfilled in Himself and set out to accomplish God’s will in the world to which He was sent.
The Head of a Household is a Provider
As a provider, he will be a man who is rich in resources which he has for himself and for those committed to his care. This involves two things.
First, it means that he will gather and get riches. No one has a treasure chest unless he first gathers the treasures. Jesus said: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt. 6:19-21). Solomon, earlier in history, taught us that “Wise men store up knowledge” (Prov. 10:14). “Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser. Teach a righteous man and he will increase his learning. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” (Prov. 9:9-10).
It also means that he will give those riches to others. He gathers not to horde them and imagine himself great in Scripture knowledge, but to talk about them, draw attention to them, and present them with enthusiasm, energy, and conviction to his household.
John Crotts gives an outstanding presentation of learning and living wisdom for leadership in the home. He develops the theme that heads of households are really like craftsmen who are building and maintaining a household which will be filled with treasure. He writes:
“T
rue wisdom is more than just sitting under a tree and philosophizing about life. It involves the hard work of craftsmanship. The wise craftsman searches out inspired truth from the Book of God and then carefully seeks to apply those truths to real-life situations. The result of this lifestyle craftsmanship is not about a bald head, beard, and a permanent spot on a high hill for people to come to seek out your wisdom, but a life that others recognize as skillfully lived. A wise life is a life worth living and a life worth following.”[1]
Matthew 13:52 is saying just that. The householder brings out of his treasure things new and old. He knows what valuables he possesses in Christ; he knows the needs of his wife and family; and He displays and dispenses the treasures for their benefit and prosperity, mixing new and old in a helpful balance. Pastoral ministry is shepherding ministry with wisdom and skill, studying the Scripture, studying the heart of man, and knowing the people of God committed to our charge.
Gathering and giving out God’s treasures to one’s household is like maintaining real estate. Think about the house that you live in. It has a foundation which is firm. There is little that you need to do with the stone foundation. If it was properly laid, it is solid and holds up the house. On it the frame and the rooms and the roof were built. These things demand constant care and home improvement. The foundation compares to the old things that Jesus spoke about in the parable, and the rest of the house is the new: foundation and fulfillment.
If we do not keep up with the house it begins to fall into disrepair, its rooms become shabby, and the atmosphere of the house becomes depressing and unattractive. God designed a home to be kept up and filled with rich treasures. “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established. And by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. A wise man is strong, and a man of knowledge increases power” (Prov. 24:3-5).
A good man is able to lead his family in communicating those foundational truths which give solid support to our personal, family, church, civil, and social lives. These things include understanding God’s work in the Old Testament, the moral and ethical foundation of the Law of God, the Ten Commandments and their summary; the fear of the Lord and discipline for all true learning in life; The Sermon on the Mount; the Fruit of the Spirit; the meaning and application of God’s covenant in our lives; and the place of prophetic preaching in the plan and purpose of God as illustrated in the ministry of men like Moses and the Prophets.
A good householder is Christ-centered and fixed on Jesus. After all, He is the “pearl of great value.” He has sold the world to have Christ in the treasure of His heart, and his greatest desire is to lead his household in seeing and seeking that treasure.
He understands the newness of Christ and the changes that He brings for the good. He realizes that coming to Christ will mean repentance for his family also, and reformation for godliness. He understands that Christ’s Spirit has regenerated us and given us a new birth that renews, reforms, and restores us into His glorious image. He trusts in God to grant this for his wife and family, and for His church.
There is freshness about his perspective on life too. Like Paul he says: “Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet, but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13-14). He does not live in the past, being forever wounded by life’s losses, or burdened with past struggles. He does not want to repeat past sins or foolishness, nor let them sideline him for future usefulness. He will not give up; he will not be pessimistic or cynical just because things did not work out for him in previous situations. He will not allow the devil to discourage or depress him. He believes that God gives fresh wisdom and new solutions to life’s ongoing difficulties. He will do what James 1:5 directs a leader to do: plead for wisdom from God and believe that God will give it. Wisdom is new light on old truths, new solutions to old problems, hope for seemingly hopeless situations.
In the final installment of this article (Part 3), we will think about whether our “houses” are filled with trash, trivia, or treasure!
John Reuther,
Pastor, Covenant Baptist Church, Lumberton, NJ
Professor, Reformed Baptist Seminary, Taylors, SC.
[1]John Crotts,
Craftsmen:
Skillfully Leading Your family For Christ (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2005) p. 27.
